{May 26, 2012}   Va bene

Once a month for about three days i take time to stay in bed for that whole amount of time.
Yes, you heard me, i don’t go out. I watch movies and listen to music. Thats what i do. Phone switched off or on silent and just me and my thoughts.

Today, day one of discovery. I found out i am a hand full when in comes to relationships. I really am not normal about them and although I have the best girl friend behaviour, not clingy or too jealous. So whats wrong then?

I was wondering the same thing and since none of my friends could give me the a clear opinion, I went to my ex, the one who I know would tell me the truth just because he despises me that much. What did i ever do to him you ask? Nothing, exactly that.

He confirmed what i already thought. I am lousy at relationships. And I have to admit, a part of me wanted to curse at him but I did specify i wanted the outer truth and I did approach him with the question.
So yes, I am terrible at relationships, but so what. I think I am good at the ones that count. We don’t get awards for the number of relationships you can keep but on keeping the right one. The aware being happiness.

So don’t worry if your relationship isn’t picture perfect. Everything will be “Va bene”.


{April 30, 2011}   GO ahead

See I am ready.
I have made my mistakes and now I am faced with the consequences.
I was in love once,I thought I was. But then it ended suddenly, without warning.
I was shocked. I honestly spent the first two days not feeling anything but after those two days it hit me that it was actually over. Now I was emotionally disconnected and thought that maybe there was a chance I could get this guy back.i was so wrong but I had to figure this out after making a complete idiot of myself.

Under the advisings of my single best friends who had NEVER been in a situation remotely similar to the one i was in,I persued this guy. I told him how I would never be happy and how he meant the world to me.
Bear in mind all these were lies. He could tell.i am not a very good liar. I couldn’t help but laugh while I said all this stuff as it sounded ridicilous but I had to pretend to cry at the same time. It was hard and I managed to fool him for a few minutes. But then he started comforting me and I couldn’t help it and bust into tears of laughter.
He left soon afterward.
I was a bit sad that it enede this way but then I have realised someting asthey days have slowly rolled by. I might have not tackled that issue appropriately. I made a mistake. But that’s life. I may havenot won that fight,I failed to win him back.Life is about getting back up again and I am happy to say I have gotten back up. So go ahead Miss Cupid(Cupid can only be a woman as women are romantic,right?),I am now ready to see the way to my next Prince.
Thank you for the one you sent before. We had our good times,laughs and fights. I wish we could have stuck it out as I really liked my Prince but I guess he wasn’t the correct one. So now I am waiting, I have given you the go ahead!

{April 11, 2011}  

Games we play
He just doesn’t get it.
For some weird reason this guy thinks that I do not have a life and all I think about is him.AAaargh!!It’s so frustrating.
I mean look just because you broke up with me does not mean I have to have a vengeful vendetta against you. When I say we are cool I mean it. You do not need to read too much into that.
Just because I choose to remain single after we broke up and you chose a different path does not mean I am still immersed in you and I can not sleep at night. It just means I value who I spend my time with. I value who I get to know. I do not just go with the flow. It has to feel right first.
Just because you broke up with me it does not mean that we cannot be friends and just hang out. I believe once people have been a couple, they will always be friends if it was true and if they are both civilized and mature people (most people are not the second). If you find yourself unable to have a decent conversation on the world and other things then there is something still lingering about the two of you. You still feel a little something about each other and you need to fix that. Otherwise you should be able to have a good time without kissing and even introduce each other to your new partners as long as it is done out of friendship not spite.
Some people abuse this friendship clause though. They are some aspects you should not disclose to the other. Like how you met, if it implies you cheated and how they are a better kisser than the other. That’s just down right nasty!!! Funny enough, not only teenagers do it but also those adults that are meant to be more mature and wise.
Just because I am happy does not mean that I am just acting that way for the benefit of those around me. Hey, I am allowed to be happy and it is your problem if you find that bothers you because of your own insecurities.
The most painful being, just because I don’t say it or act it does not mean I do not miss you. There could be a hundred things holding you back from saying these words the greatest being that you are afraid of the rejection. Life is therefore so complicated.
Complicated…..No matter how old you are. Matters of the Heart are always a hustle. But they are usually the reason for the many good memories we have. ‘So maybe it aint all bad”. What do you think?

{January 29, 2011}   Shopping for the right Pair

I saw this great pair of suede platform heels the other day. They looked like they were pretty expensive and maybe they were by Gucci .I had had my eye on them for a while and had considered entering the shop and trying them on once or twice but had never had the courage to do so. They looked like my size from the window but you never know if something will fit you perfectly before you try it on. A girl can dream, right?
o one sunny afternoon, I decided to enter the shop and find out more about the shoe, the price, the brand etc. It turned out to be one of the much-loved brand new pair of Gucci shoes from the brands latest collection. Now, I would not know this because I hardly look at the labels on my shoes. If I feel good and empowered when I wear them then that’s all I need. If I can walk in them and I can mix and match them with my favorite outfits that’s an added bonus.
I walked into the shop with my heart racing so fast I think it could have broken Bolt’s record. We will never know. I walked up to the store owner and nicely inquired about the suede heels I had once seen. After the getting to know each other phase, she asked if I wanted to try the shoes on. I was shocked at first. Why would I, an average girl, want to try on those amazingly handsome shoes? She told me that they would look good on me. I accepted before I had even thought it over and guess what, they were just what the doctor ordered. They were a perfect fit. I felt confident and sexy in them. They complimented me in all the right places and although they weren’t loud and colorful, you would note them from afar.
I was allowed to walk around the mall with them for the rest of the day. I felt like a million bucks.
fterwards I had to return them. The lady told me the price and I almost fainted with disappointment .This was the last pair in the store and I could only manage that amount after a month. Soon some pretty rich girl was going to walk in and see them then buy them with her daddy’s credit card. Well is it my fault that my father is not a walking ATM? She told me she would keep them for me and this got me more optimistic.
I planned on waiting that long until I had gathered the amount required. I really liked those shoes and thought that they would bring that fun element to my life that I was kind of searching for. It would have been a change from my standard black strappy heels. I thought that they might even last long in my closet.
o I went forth with ambition and started to work my butt off. No pain no gain right. When I was not working I would think of those shoes and of what I would do when I got them. The many parties I would attend and the many compliments I would get.
I would call the store every now and then to find out if the shoes had been sold yet and I would be told no not yet. It seemed like I was fortunate but as time went by I felt like it was too good to be true. I began to see some nice less posh shoes in other stores that looked like the correct fit and maybe with some few changes I could learn to love them. I tried on a few but although they fit snuggly, they didn’t give me that feeling you feel when you get what your heart really yearns for. I convinced myself also that if I bought them they would break very soon and I would fall down. No one would pick me up after and in heels you know that when you fall, it is a long long way down.
I eventually managed to get over those beautiful shoes and move on. I know what you are thinking, how could I let something that makes me happy go? How could I just give up like that?
irstly, this is a true story about a girl and a boy. The boy was of course the shoes. Those lovely shoes we cannot stand but cannot live without.
Well, the reality is we all do this at some point in our lives. We convince ourselves that things are too good to be true and that we do not deserve what is coming our way. That is part of us. An infuriating mannerism but we have it anyway.
If I could do it all again I would do it differently I guess but life is too short to think that way. Although I hate the choice I made I have to live with it with trust that it was the correct one. That is life. There are no guidelines to how to make decisions. All we can hope for is the best.
hat I know now is that never settle for just snug or a bit large. There is a perfect fit out there for you and a perfect cut for you although it might not appear that way sometimes. Be patient. You will spot that extraordinary pair of shoes that will carry you away to your happy ever after!

et cetera